Please excuse the not-so-positive-right-off-the-bat post, but this needs to be said…(it will turn positive, i promise!)
My ex boyfriend is an asshat.
(Excuse the repetitiveness for my friends and family…and no judging, we all make dumb mistakes as women in relationships we WANT to work that just never will)
After trying to be civil, (yes, “civil” would be my word of choice, his is “friends”) we are currently Facebook friends. My Facebook posts aren’t even as close to excessive as my tweets, but I do have some fitspo stuff on there.
So the idiot messages me seeing that I’ve been working my ass off in the gym and asks for a picture. Wait. What?? Seriously?? “If you have a picture ill take it.”
Hah. He must think I’m an idiot.
Oh, an no, we aren’t friends. I can tell you a handful of reasons why that’s the case, but trust me, we aren’t friends.
As mentioned before, this is the guy who called me fat…oh wait, that wasn’t him, HE just told me I needed to lose weight and workout (which I have done since I was five, I have ALWAYS worked out!). After I went into a week of starving myself. Good job, that was super healthy, way to starve your body and destroy your metabolism…but it was my coping mechanism for so long. Amongst several other humiliating and embarrassing moments that I will never forget and have a hard time forgiving, when he told me I ate too much of my dinner or got made because I ordered chips & salsa, yea and he’s so perplexed still to this day at why these things bother me.
Maybe it’s a flaw in my character that I can’t forgive that. But I can tell you every story in which someone has made a comment about my physical appearance, and recalling them still hurt just the same. So excuse me for not just being able to let it go and forgive so easily.
Anyway. Long story short. He doesn’t get it and never will. He doesn’t understand why those words still haunt me and hurt. Which means, he has no place in my future. If he couldn’t love me at my worst, as a fat cow who lost her job (and I swear, I wasn’t huge…I still was getting flattering comments from other people, it wasn’t like I needed a crane to be lifted out of my house or anything!!!), and yes, that was the deal breaker when life turned upside down he quickly couldn’t deal with me in so many ways, he certainly doesn’t get to be a part of my future. And what I really don’t understand, is if he had such a problem with my physical appearance, why in the hell was he in a committed relationship with me????
Now here comes the positive part.
Maybe I’m growing up (finally!! Haha) or maybe it’s just another result of my healthy lifestyle, but I’m dealing with stuff better. I bawled my eyes out for an hour last night, but woke up and was ready to take on the day. I didn’t binge or drink. I was even more motivated to kill my workout. He’s only made me want to work harder and be better and stronger.
As I said on Facebook today, “my strength doesn’t come from lifting weights, but from picking myself up after I’ve been knocked down…and if you have a problem with who I am or what I look like, that’s your problem, not mine.”
So thank you, yet again, for the painful lesson. I will never take fitness advice from a skinny prick that has never done a bench press in his life. And who cares if people think I’m too tall or too broad or too blonde or too nice or too much of a bitch. I am me. I am finally starting to like her a lot more too! So haters can hate all they want, they only push me to be better and work harder!!
And last but not least, I’m so thankful for the physical strength I have gained over the past few months, it continually makes me mentally stronger and I’m continually pushing myself to do things I never thought possible…like running laps with a 60+ pound punching bag — hell yea, I did that yesterday! 😉
Now I’m off to enjoy my kale chips!