Flex friday!!

Show ’em if you got ’em!!!!

So part of this healthy lifestyle is learning to love me and my body. Harder than it sounds!! You want a rush, then post a picture of your least favorite body part on twitter!!

I’ve been going hard at the gym and haven’t had a day off yet (allowing myself one finally this weekend, I think) and slowly but surely some progress is coming. My legs are getting much more defined, my arms are slowly showing more definition – I’ve upped all my weights in everything, I’m benching 90 pounds, leg pressing 200 pounds, go big or go home!!! I’ve really been fining 110% every time I step foot in the gym. I’ve been eating really well and clean and haven’t had a cheat meal in a while (over a week)! I’ve dropped some pounds again (after feeling like I plateaued a bit last week) and know my body fat is getting lower and my muscle mass is getting higher.

The harder I work, the better I feel. The more results I see, the more addicted (and let’s face it, obsessed) I become. And with that, the stronger I feel and more confidence I have! I know I’m not only the strongest woman, but often the strongest person working out. I know my strengths and weaknesses and continue to push myself to get better at both. It’s so fun! And I’m not going to lie, I enjoy when other people tell me they want to be like me or they don’t know how I do it!

I’m wading out of town this weekend, so it will be the first test of my discipline this year. I will allow myself to enjoy, I won’t allow myself to get out of control. I won’t allow binging or wasted calories or making excuses to eat something I know I shouldn’t. Too you, that may sound extreme, to me, I know I need to keep myself reigned in. One slip and the whole weekend will be a big slip and then ill slip back into the self deprecation – that’s the last place I want to go back to. I’m planning on hitting the gym and running a few miles! I brought my protein powder along and am ready to be disciplined and strong willed!! I will be indulging in some wine tonight (again, the first time ill be drinking in a while) at my sisters wine club event – super excited about this!!!

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! And flex those muscles 😉

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Asshat.

Please excuse the not-so-positive-right-off-the-bat post, but this needs to be said…(it will turn positive, i promise!)

My ex boyfriend is an asshat.
(Excuse the repetitiveness for my friends and family…and no judging, we all make dumb mistakes as women in relationships we WANT to work that just never will)

After trying to be civil, (yes, “civil” would be my word of choice, his is “friends”) we are currently Facebook friends. My Facebook posts aren’t even as close to excessive as my tweets, but I do have some fitspo stuff on there.

So the idiot messages me seeing that I’ve been working my ass off in the gym and asks for a picture. Wait. What?? Seriously?? “If you have a picture ill take it.”

Hah. He must think I’m an idiot.

Oh, an no, we aren’t friends. I can tell you a handful of reasons why that’s the case, but trust me, we aren’t friends.

Lets rewind.

As mentioned before, this is the guy who called me fat…oh wait, that wasn’t him, HE just told me I needed to lose weight and workout (which I have done since I was five, I have ALWAYS worked out!). After I went into a week of starving myself. Good job, that was super healthy, way to starve your body and destroy your metabolism…but it was my coping mechanism for so long. Amongst several other humiliating and embarrassing moments that I will never forget and have a hard time forgiving, when he told me I ate too much of my dinner or got made because I ordered chips & salsa, yea and he’s so perplexed still to this day at why these things bother me.

Maybe it’s a flaw in my character that I can’t forgive that. But I can tell you every story in which someone has made a comment about my physical appearance, and recalling them still hurt just the same. So excuse me for not just being able to let it go and forgive so easily.

Anyway. Long story short. He doesn’t get it and never will. He doesn’t understand why those words still haunt me and hurt. Which means, he has no place in my future. If he couldn’t love me at my worst, as a fat cow who lost her job (and I swear, I wasn’t huge…I still was getting flattering comments from other people, it wasn’t like I needed a crane to be lifted out of my house or anything!!!), and yes, that was the deal breaker when life turned upside down he quickly couldn’t deal with me in so many ways, he certainly doesn’t get to be a part of my future. And what I really don’t understand, is if he had such a problem with my physical appearance, why in the hell was he in a committed relationship with me????

Now here comes the positive part.

Maybe I’m growing up (finally!! Haha) or maybe it’s just another result of my healthy lifestyle, but I’m dealing with stuff better. I bawled my eyes out for an hour last night, but woke up and was ready to take on the day. I didn’t binge or drink. I was even more motivated to kill my workout. He’s only made me want to work harder and be better and stronger.

As I said on Facebook today, “my strength doesn’t come from lifting weights, but from picking myself up after I’ve been knocked down…and if you have a problem with who I am or what I look like, that’s your problem, not mine.”

So thank you, yet again, for the painful lesson. I will never take fitness advice from a skinny prick that has never done a bench press in his life. And who cares if people think I’m too tall or too broad or too blonde or too nice or too much of a bitch. I am me. I am finally starting to like her a lot more too! So haters can hate all they want, they only push me to be better and work harder!!

And last but not least, I’m so thankful for the physical strength I have gained over the past few months, it continually makes me mentally stronger and I’m continually pushing myself to do things I never thought possible…like running laps with a 60+ pound punching bag — hell yea, I did that yesterday! 😉

Now I’m off to enjoy my kale chips!

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it’s not ok…(in relations to the toxic use of the “F” word!)

so i’ve been going over and over ideas on what to blog about today. lots of “feminist” topics continue to arise. along with my fit & health issues, most who read this blog know i’m on my “fitness journey” and lately that’s been a main focus of mine. (or as a friend said the other night, “michelle is on her health kick.” newsflash friends, it’s not a fad or diet or “kick” — this is a new way of life and i’m sticking with it! so apologies if you do find my over enthusiastic tweets annoying or my instagram pictures of my clean food makes your eyes roll, but for me to be successful i need to be 100% in it and surround myself with like-minded thinkers…and it seems the more i do obsess, the better i stay on track 😉

anyway, to piggy back off that statement a bit, my twitter account has become 75% fitness and health related. many people make anonymous twitter accounts when on their fitness journey so they can post progress pictures and tweet whatever they want with no worries about people KNOWING who they are. a) i’m not THAT talented to maintain more than one twitter account at a time (yes, i’ve tried!) and b) i actually enjoy this being a part of me and if i can get friends, family, or other random followers motivated to change their lives, then even better!! (i KNOW my sister MUST be completely annoyed with my rampid tweeting as of late as she gets my tweets sent to her phone…sorry ash, but you know how i get when i’m obsessed!) so shout out to the #fitfam on twitter…what an awesome group of hard working individuals of all ages and all shapes and sizes all over the world. dedicated and determined like-minded people working to better themselves in every way possible.

SO MY POINT TODAY (sorry…this is my scattered brain way of getting to what I’d actually like to write about, which hasn’t even come up yet!), i follow a bunch of healthy, fit-freaks like me and there’s been a few girls/women/fitties who i have seen tweet about being called “fat” or “ugly” or “chubby” by friends, family, or even worst, boyfriends. it breaks my heart because i get it. i’ve been there. i was that girl who was called “fat” by my ex. i AM that girl that has a HUGE body complex and am hoping that ONE day i can be happy with what is looking back in the mirror at me.

so i’d like to start by saying, as much as we are ALL guilty of it, the word FAT needs to be erased from OUR vocabulary! everyone’s vocabulary at that. the dreaded “f” word is 100% worst than it’s 4 letter counterpart of an “f” word. it’s way more destructive. the only time it comes out of my mouth is when i’m having a shitty day and feeling bad about myself. so, that’s it, the word FAT is gone from your mouths and shall never be said in regards to anyones body shape.

got it? good!

secondly, who are WE to judge ANYONE? who are YOU to judge? who am i to judge? don’t we all have enough problems and issues and drama in our own lives to be too busy to be judging everyone around us? i mean, just based on everyone’s facebook statuses alone, i don’t think you have the extra time in your day to judge me or anyone else. as women, we are SO quick to judge and be catty or rude…it’s so much easier to turn that negativity into something positive and help someone out or smile! i finished my workout today at bootcamp and instead of gloating or sitting down like i deserved it more than anyone else still training, i grabbed a new lady to our bootcamp and finished the workout with her. i can’t stand women who walk around like they are better than you because they wear a size two and don’t sweat while working out (oopps, yes, that’s me judging a bit, isn’t it??), but you know the people i love? the ones who see you are working hard and are willing to help you get there. the people who include you in their workouts or encourage you to finish your last lap or are genuinely there to see you succeed! those are my kind of people…

anyway, i’m getting off topic, mostly because i’m worried i’m going to get on a feminist rant.

i worry that men (or boys) think it’s OK to call women “fat” or “ugly” because they see us do it to eachother, or even worst, they see us do it to ourselves. well, it is not ok. those are words that never leave us. you think i will ever forget how my ex grabbed my arm and said “your arms are big, you could use some work there” — there’s no way in hell that i will ever forget those words or how it made me feel. you think i will ever forget him telling me i was “fat” when i was the one who went to the gym and worked out? nope. and when i brought it up and said it’s not ok for him to say those things about me, do you think i’ll ever forget how he began to laugh hysterically and say “it was just a joke!” no way. it is NOT ok. i don’t even need to go into a reason why, it just isn’t ok. it isn’t ok to make anyone feel absolutely horrible about themself. it isn’t ok to tell someone who already thinks they are the size of an elephant that now the person they love thinks that too. (i really can get into it and go into bullying and all that, but i’m going to keep it at this)

newsflash, there actually isn’t enough GOOD in the world. there aren’t THAT many people going out of their way to make strangers smile. we have shootings and suicides and violence and hate daily. and it’s NOT ok to put people down and make them feel bad. (why is this SUCH a hard concept for people to get?!??!?!) it absolutely guts me everytime i read “my boyfriend called me fat today.” Did he think that was going to put a smile on your face?!? Did he think you weren’t already self conscious about what you looked like?!?! did he think that was going to put you in a super happy lovey dovey mood?!?!?!

i apologize for the rambled post. i just feel quite strong about this and think men and women alike need to be nicer to each other and themselves.

and for any female in a relationship with a male (OR vice versa!) who puts her down in one way or another, i pray that you have the strength to realize that you deserve SO MUCH BETTER and you do not deserve to be told those things. looking back, i was stupid, and believed him. why i didn’t leave his skinny (never-goes-to-the-gym) ass right then and there disappoints me today. i don’t know YOUR relationship, but i do know that anyone that puts you down is NOT the right person for you…even if you do love them. and as hard as it may seem to leave and cut them out of your life, know that you are worth so much more.

it’s toxic.

and it hurts.

and allowing it to happen isn’t ok either.

so be strong, stand up for yourself, and know that you are beautiful and deserve nothing but the best!

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my ever-so-unpopular-opinion OF the biggest loser…

last night, the ever-so-favorite show of many premiered.  i must say, i have NEVER watched a single episode.  i’m not sure why, but i’ve always been turned off by the concept of putting “overweight” people on TV to watch them sweat and fall over until they lose half their size.  yes, i know the show CHANGES LIVES and does a lot of positive…but i just don’t like it (we’re all entitled to our own opinions, right?!?).

so, since i’ve changed my own lifestyle pretty drastically in the last six months, everyone was telling me how inspiring the show was and how much they LOVE Jillian Michaels (again, have never liked her…still don’t), so i decided to give it a go.  maybe it’s hard for me to understand because even at my heaviest or when i was the least out of shape, i was still exercising.  i’ve been exercising since i was 5.  i’ve been pushing my body my whole life, even if i hate it, i’ve known what a “tough workout” was before i hit puberty.  so it’s actually unfathomable to me to see SO many people who just don’t work out (that sounds super naiive, and i’m forever grateful for having parents who were active and allowed me to pursue my athletic goals).  and then not only do they NOT exercise, but they eat absolutely horribly!  maybe it’s a turn off and i don’t respect the way they have treated their bodies — maybe that’s what makes me cringe just seeing the commercials.  maybe it’s the fact that i feel like it’s a mockery. making women who clearly are overweight weigh themselves in front of america in “crop tops???” obviously they signed up for it and know what they are getting into, but even at my gym, the weighing is done at each own’s discretion and there are even room dividers for people who are uncomfortable putting it ALL out there for the whole gym to see.

then there’s the issue of weight loss vs. fat loss.  as any fittie knows, muscle weighs more than fat, and clearly these participants have a bunch of fat to lose, but are they gaining muscle?  i’d be more interested in seeing their fat percentages go down than their weight.  anyone can stop eating or even go anorexic and instantly lose five pounds (trust me, i’ve done it)…but eating right, exercising right, losing FAT and gaining MUSCLE is what i’m interested in.  hell, my goal in November (before i started eating clean) was to lose 30 lbs by thanksgiving…that was absolutely INSANE of me!!!  when i started eating clean, i lost a percentage of body fat in a week…but weighed the exact same…lost inches, but weighed the exact same…i wasn’t so concerned about the number on the scale anymore, but more concerned about my measurements and body fat!!

i’m not going to lie, i’m a bit jealous of the ladies who lost 20 pounds in a week…as i struggle to pass my plateau weight this week…but when you take someone who has never eaten well and never exercised three hours a week, let alone three hours a day, obviously that 20 pounds is going to come off quick.  (Maintaining after the show is always the issue, but hopefully this is a lifestyle change for all of the participants…but we ALL know that one girl who lost “so much weight” at the gym who hasn’t been back in 6 months and now looks heavier than when she began…).

so maybe i’m a negative nancy when it comes to the Biggest Loser, and maybe i just haven’t given it enough of a chance yet since i have only seen one episode now…but everyone in america cannot “play” biggest loser and afford Bob Harper for an hour every day.  and it really isn’t a show SHOWING anything but Jillian yelling at people falling off a treadmile (and really, if you have the energy to YELL back at your trainer, you clearly have the energy to keep going on the treadmile…just saying!).  so I really wish they would focus on explaining things better to the world.  explain WHY they are doing cardio and weights and certain exercises.  explain the “diets”/new eating habits/changes of the participants are on and why. explain that in actuality they are working out SIX HOURS A DAY (um…yea, you bet your ass you’d lose weight after 6 hours). explain hydration issues. explain injury prevention. explain how someone who is 100lbs overweight can get started on their own.  i’d be VERY interested in seeing everything we don’t see.  we all know how a elliptical and row machine works, show America what they don’t know.

lastly, i commend EVERYONE and ANYONE looking to improve their health and fitness!  i am in no means cutting down participants or anyone else inspired by this show to get fit.  the fact that it has had such a great impact on the country is awesome!  i just think there is still SO MUCH SO MANY PEOPLE don’t know about working out and eating healthy.  and let’s face it, it can be very intimidating to take that first step.

so i apologize if i have offended any Jillian Michaels fans or Biggest Loser watchers!  again, it’s great that it is so inspiring and motivating for people.  if that is what motivates you, then AWESOME, keep watching and keep getting your ass in gear 😉

just my two cents! 😉