Just saying…







my ever-so-unpopular-opinion OF the biggest loser…

last night, the ever-so-favorite show of many premiered.  i must say, i have NEVER watched a single episode.  i’m not sure why, but i’ve always been turned off by the concept of putting “overweight” people on TV to watch them sweat and fall over until they lose half their size.  yes, i know the show CHANGES LIVES and does a lot of positive…but i just don’t like it (we’re all entitled to our own opinions, right?!?).

so, since i’ve changed my own lifestyle pretty drastically in the last six months, everyone was telling me how inspiring the show was and how much they LOVE Jillian Michaels (again, have never liked her…still don’t), so i decided to give it a go.  maybe it’s hard for me to understand because even at my heaviest or when i was the least out of shape, i was still exercising.  i’ve been exercising since i was 5.  i’ve been pushing my body my whole life, even if i hate it, i’ve known what a “tough workout” was before i hit puberty.  so it’s actually unfathomable to me to see SO many people who just don’t work out (that sounds super naiive, and i’m forever grateful for having parents who were active and allowed me to pursue my athletic goals).  and then not only do they NOT exercise, but they eat absolutely horribly!  maybe it’s a turn off and i don’t respect the way they have treated their bodies — maybe that’s what makes me cringe just seeing the commercials.  maybe it’s the fact that i feel like it’s a mockery. making women who clearly are overweight weigh themselves in front of america in “crop tops???” obviously they signed up for it and know what they are getting into, but even at my gym, the weighing is done at each own’s discretion and there are even room dividers for people who are uncomfortable putting it ALL out there for the whole gym to see.

then there’s the issue of weight loss vs. fat loss.  as any fittie knows, muscle weighs more than fat, and clearly these participants have a bunch of fat to lose, but are they gaining muscle?  i’d be more interested in seeing their fat percentages go down than their weight.  anyone can stop eating or even go anorexic and instantly lose five pounds (trust me, i’ve done it)…but eating right, exercising right, losing FAT and gaining MUSCLE is what i’m interested in.  hell, my goal in November (before i started eating clean) was to lose 30 lbs by thanksgiving…that was absolutely INSANE of me!!!  when i started eating clean, i lost a percentage of body fat in a week…but weighed the exact same…lost inches, but weighed the exact same…i wasn’t so concerned about the number on the scale anymore, but more concerned about my measurements and body fat!!

i’m not going to lie, i’m a bit jealous of the ladies who lost 20 pounds in a week…as i struggle to pass my plateau weight this week…but when you take someone who has never eaten well and never exercised three hours a week, let alone three hours a day, obviously that 20 pounds is going to come off quick.  (Maintaining after the show is always the issue, but hopefully this is a lifestyle change for all of the participants…but we ALL know that one girl who lost “so much weight” at the gym who hasn’t been back in 6 months and now looks heavier than when she began…).

so maybe i’m a negative nancy when it comes to the Biggest Loser, and maybe i just haven’t given it enough of a chance yet since i have only seen one episode now…but everyone in america cannot “play” biggest loser and afford Bob Harper for an hour every day.  and it really isn’t a show SHOWING anything but Jillian yelling at people falling off a treadmile (and really, if you have the energy to YELL back at your trainer, you clearly have the energy to keep going on the treadmile…just saying!).  so I really wish they would focus on explaining things better to the world.  explain WHY they are doing cardio and weights and certain exercises.  explain the “diets”/new eating habits/changes of the participants are on and why. explain that in actuality they are working out SIX HOURS A DAY (um…yea, you bet your ass you’d lose weight after 6 hours). explain hydration issues. explain injury prevention. explain how someone who is 100lbs overweight can get started on their own.  i’d be VERY interested in seeing everything we don’t see.  we all know how a elliptical and row machine works, show America what they don’t know.

lastly, i commend EVERYONE and ANYONE looking to improve their health and fitness!  i am in no means cutting down participants or anyone else inspired by this show to get fit.  the fact that it has had such a great impact on the country is awesome!  i just think there is still SO MUCH SO MANY PEOPLE don’t know about working out and eating healthy.  and let’s face it, it can be very intimidating to take that first step.

so i apologize if i have offended any Jillian Michaels fans or Biggest Loser watchers!  again, it’s great that it is so inspiring and motivating for people.  if that is what motivates you, then AWESOME, keep watching and keep getting your ass in gear 😉

just my two cents! 😉


Hope everyone’s new year is off to a fabulous start!

Looking forward to what this year holds! Spent the morning at the gym in my new lululemon working my arms followed up by a day of clean eating and low key, stress free vegging! Need to find my discipline and maintain the no carbs, high protein, lots of water, clean eating diet with my one “free” meal per week and I will be well on my way to continuing to reach my fitness goals! Excited to see the progress!




Bring it on 2013!!!

I must say today is the last day of THE most challenging year of my life. Somehow, I made it!! There were many dark days, too many tears, love lost, fights, friends lost, friends made, emotional turmoil, physical turmoil, and then some…but it’s over, and I’m still standing stronger than ever.

Two weeks ago I made a vow to start fresh and leave the past exactly where it belongs, in the past. Since, I’ve had a much brighter disposition and love for life and am happy every day I awake an am able to find a reason to smile. Even with the current struggles I face, I realize that this will make me stronger and help mold me into a new version of myself.

I know the personal struggles I face and am working on breaking down the walls I’ve put up and the negative ways I treat myself. Just like any other challenge, it won’t be done overnight, but every day I am stronger and am getting better.

I’ve always been a goal setter no matter the time of year and I definitely have my goals set for the year to come. I know this will be an amazing yer because I refuse to let it be anything but that. I’m slowly letting go of worrying what everyone thinks of me and trying to focus in on “if it makes me happy, do it.”

I know I will find a job I love and it will all make sense. It will lead me to the life I know I’ve been meant to live.

I know I will transform physically and mentally into the version of me that I know I can love.

So here’s to the turning of a page; a new chapter; fresh start; new year! Wishing everyone a fabulous 2013, lets make it amazing!

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”

– Joseph Campbell



My mom came across my New Years resolutions from since I was about five years old til I was 15. As nostalgic as it was, there were a few consistent themes that ran through year after year.

I couldn’t believe that since I was able to write, I was on myself for my weight. “Snack less, exercise more” “jump rope at least 100 times a day” “snack healthy on fruits or veggies” “workout more,” etc. Year after year it literally weighed on me.

Was I a fat kid? No. Was I ever skinny or tiny, no. I was always the tallest one in my grade and never small, but not huge either. So where did this body image stuff come from? Was I born with image issues? Was it unintentionally passed on to me? Did someone make fun of my weight at a young age and it stuck for life? It’s crazy to realize that at 7 years old, I was hard on myself for my body image and 22 years later, it remains to be a daily struggle.

Another consistency in my resolutions was “to be happy” and “try my best always.” I laughed seeing that my none year old self was in search of happiness back then…little did I know this would by a life mystery to most. To this day, one of my goals is to find what makes me happy and to be happy.

I am thankful I was raised to set goals and expect better from myself. At a young age I was taught to try my best and do my best and it holds true to this day. That way of thinking has gotten me far and has helped me reach many goals.

So with the year winding down, what goals did you set last year – and did you reach them? What’s on the agenda to accomplish next year? And how will you support yourself to make those goals come true??

Dream big, work hard, love the battle!


Ok I’m jumping on the bandwagon a but late, but I am going to try and take five minutes each day til thanksgiving and talk about something I’m thankful for.

Today…I’m so thankful for the support I have around me. Living in New Mexico for three years took a toll on me, it was so hard to meet genuine friends and meet friendly people. Since being back in California, I’ve connected with a bunch of great people who have been friendly and inviting. With my recent fitness goals I am so lucky to have a trainer who wants me to succeed as much as I do. To take the time out of his crazy life to help me reach my goals. And I would be lost without him and the gym but more importantly have no one to thank more than my mom who is supporting me in more ways than one.

With all of this support and positivity surrounding me, I think for the first time in 30 years I can start to like who I am on the outside!!

So I’m thankful for the people who have become part of my “journey” since I’ve moved back to California. Thankful for the positive support. And thankful for the people that genuinely care and make the effort to help me out!!!