Healthy Changes.

For the first time in my life, I’ve broken patterns of emotional eating. I know, that sounds pathetic. I probably sound like a middle-aged woman who sits at home at night eating a tub of ice cream. That’s not me. However, I’ve had patterns of having a bad day and going straight to the pantry to whip up a batch of brownies, while enjoying enough batter to make myself sick. Between that and the fact that I used to think I could get away with eating whatever I wanted as long as I put the work time in at the gym, I am working on changing those unhealthy habits.

Since the year has begun, I haven’t binged on anything, let alone anything unhealthy, and I’ve maintained my clean eating (with my free meal per week, which has ended up not being huge splurges either). My cravings have become comical…currently I’m waiting for my broccoli and asparagus to cook as I am enjoying a plate of veggies as a snack. Last night, instead of finding a high calorie, high fat food to feel sorry for myself with, I enjoyed a bowl of frozen grapes.

And I’m not suffering or craving the foods I once enjoyed. I’m enjoying finding creative new ways to make meals. And most of all, I’m enjoying how I feel!

I didn’t have a great workout today and was struggling to maintain my focus during bootcamp, so instead of being pissed at myself, I grabbed the jump rope and some med balls and did an extra thirty minutes of focused sweating and anger management!

I’m proud of myself for continuing to work to be the healthiest version of me!


mentors, role models, people that lift you up, etc.

throughout my life i have always had role models and people i looked up to and aspired to be like.  the best version of these are REAL people who you actually have interaction with in your life.  and i’ll tell you why….

as we go through our lives, us crazy ambitious types learn real fast that the best way to be successful is to model someone else’s proven success.  to put in the time and effort, do the grunt work, surround yourself with the right people, and success will be yours.  a big thing i have learned in my career and in life is to have people you look up to and respect and make them a part of your life.  as a coach, i am a member of the women’s coaching alliance and have been fortunate to be included in an insanely talented group of successful women.  sometimes you try and cultivate certain relationships and they don’t stick or it isn’t right…and sometimes they do, and it’s magical.

i “adopted” my mentor about a year ago.  my career was looking like it was taking a nose dive (which, yes, it did) and instantly i knew i had to do something about it but wasn’t sure how. already feeling super comfortable with her and knowing that she actually knew more than me about what was going on with my team, i turned to her for guidance.  she’s known me literally since i was 18. she coached against me in college and to this day i will never forget how encouraging she was back then.  i remember winning conference trophies year after year and she was one of the friendly faces who always personally congratulated me and said she was hoping i’d get it.  she coached the team of our travel partners back then, so we spent a lot of long hours together. once i was into coaching myself, she was one of my favorites to see at tournaments.  to this day, some of my best memories as a player were at her team’s courts. and now as a coach, she has welcomed me with open arms and been there through the ups and downs.  it’s been a rocky road, and she’s stood by me the whole time.

i have great people around me day in and day out.  but there’s nothing like someone who ACTUALLY KNOWS what is going on with me.  Who knows the game and the politics and the ins and outs of it all.  i am so lucky for all the supportive people around me, but to be able to hit rock bottom, write an email to her with tears flowing from my eyes and get a response that gives me renewed faith and hope in myself…i’m lucky to have found that.

so here’s my advice to you. to anyone and everyone.  to someone struggling in life, in your career, with your health, in your family-life, or just with your own demons.  find someone who gets you. find someone that can motivate you. find someone that GENUINELY wants to see you succeed and be there next to you along the way. find someone that is willing to stand by you and tell you how amazing you are and to never give up while you are down in the dumps, covered in tears and can’t see or think straight.  find someone that will push you harder when you need to be pushed and will give you a hug when that is needed.  this person is worth more than you know.  and cultivate that relationship. (i can’t tell you how many emails i’ve written to coaches i admire…usually they respond and say thank you, but those that “get it” have taken the time to invest in me)

i am so grateful for the phonecalls, emails, texts and just overall great recommendations from my mentor.  every time i am ready to quit, she pulls me back up and re-motivates me (sign of an amazing coach, eh??).  she works hard and loves every minute of it. she plays by the rules. she’s passionate.  she’s had it rough and has had to fight adversity to get to where she is.  she’s the FIRST female coach at an institution that is VERY strict and old school (think, a branch of our government!).  she inspires me and amazes me and is everything i want to be as a coach. i learn from her whenever i’m around her and am so thankful that in some weird way she became not only someone i look up to, but a friend.  i know she will always be a part of my life and maybe even one day i can fill her shoes.

positive body image…

i’ve struggled with body image issues my whole life.  i woke up this morning feeling like a fat cow, disgusted with what was looking back at me in the mirror (days like this, i avoid the mirror as much as possible!).  granted it was super early and still dark outside, and i hadn’t had coffee yet, but it put me in a bit of a sour mood to start the day. obviously, my “year” (yeah, yeah, 2 and a half days) of clean eating won’t show results immediately, and i have a week’s worth of bad food and drinks i’m working off, but something simple like that is what can easily trigger me (and i’m sure others) into giving up or not sticking to “the plan.”  luckily i was on my way to the gym for two hours of sweating, so that changed my mood and outlook quickly, but as much as i’m changing my lifestyle and eating, i need to change my view of myself.

i’ve always struggled liking ME!  and any day i feel “fat” is not usually a good day.  once that word is in my head, there isn’t much i can do to combat the thought.  so i found this and thought i’d share it with everyone to help improve body image!

Ten Steps to Positive Body Image

1. Appreciate all that your body can do.

– i’m coming off an injury (torn calf) at the moment, so i do appreciate the fact that my body has healed a bit and has allowed me to get back in the gym! (i’d REALLY appreciate it if it continues to heal and i can start running again by next week!!)

2. Keep a top 10 list of things you like about yourself — things that aren’t related to how much you weigh or what you look like

– ten is A LOT! but i’m sure we all have ten things…i think i may struggle filling out that list…so NON-physical things i like about myself: I’m passionate (to say the least); friendly & genuinely care about people; big heart; super competetive (yes, i actually LIKE this about myself); independent; no fear; unique taste of things in life; love to travel; embrace new things…phew i did it!!

3. Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin deep.  Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.

– just think of that really skinny bitch you know 😛

4. Look at yourself as a whole person…choose not to focus on specific body parts.

– so, i guess that means that i can’t complain about my football player shoulders or my rectangular body…ok.

5. Surround yourself with positive people!

– this is HUGE! i can’t re-iterate this one enough.  people that love you don’t care what you look like and they are there to pick you up when you fall down or tell you how beautiful you are on your ugly days! get rid of the fake people who don’t add to your life, they are just weighing you down!!

6. Shut down those voices in your head that tell you that your body is not “right.”

– i have a HARD time with this one.  i’m hoping that on my journey, i find the body i am happy with…not sure i can admit today that my body is “ok” — maybe i will never be ok with it, but that’s one thing i really hope i can accomplish, to work hard and create the body i will be happy in!  and i think after all the discipline and hard work, no matter what i look like, i will be proud…at least i hope so!

7. Wear clothes that are comfortable and make you feel good about your body.

– Lululemon 😉 i feel like i rock my Wunder Under crops and they make me feel awesome…especially since i seem to reward myself with wearing my lulu after a good sweat at the gym (or during, depending!). at this point, i know more or less what i feel comfortable in…if i’m dressing up and i don’t feel comfortable, i won’t wear it because i’ll be miserable and second guessing myself all night.

8. Become a critical viewer of social and media messages.

– yes, when they said on E! the other night that Jennifer Lawerence was a “bigger girl” because she was a solid size 2 i almost lost it!  seriously…let’s be real!!  i’m pretty good at this stuff, i know that my 5’11 frame will NEVER be a size 2 even if i was a starving kid in africa…and i’m ok with that!

9. Do something nice for youself — something that lets your body know you appreciate it.

– for me, this would be anything from shopping to working out.  i’m one of those that loves to work out in the gym, so it is a bit of a reward to me that i can be in there grinding away.  shopping is always a fun reward.  i will treat myself to coffee after a hard workout as well.  i think these all qualify under that. i’m not huge on messages, otherwise, that would be a good reward.  i do, however, get in to see my chiropractor three times a week, so that’s a bit of a reward as well and it keeps me healthy!

and 10. Use the time and energy that you might have spent worrying about food, calories, and your weight to do something to help others.

– this is a tough one. i have an obsessive personality and enjoy obsessing!  if i don’t obsess, i worry i’m not fully committed.  i joked to everyone that if i’m going to do this, it will bring out my obssessive side…and it has.  the second i half ass it or let go, i let myself slip.  i’m hoping in a month or two down the road, my eating habits of eating clean will be second nature, however i have a feeling that triggers will always be there waiting for me, so it is something i need to keep the reel on.  however, i definitely think it’s great to help out others and get out and give back.  that is definitely doable!!!


So, there you go.  Some are a little cheesey, but if you take something from it to help you love who you are a little more, then great!

There’s a picture I saw today and tweeted, and it was a picture of a super skinny, lean model, but the caption said, “She is beautiful but she is NOT my goal. I will never be her. MY goal is to be the healthiest, leanest, strongest ME. To be the best version of MYSELF.”

That’s all I want — and I’m excited to keep taking steps forward to get there 🙂