back on track.

so i took a couple days off…and no it didn’t kill me.

i don’t know how people abandon their healthy lifestyles though.  i went to the hotel gym both sat and sunday and did some sort of a work out…granted it was a lot less than my regular regimine, it was something!  but after letting lose on my eating reigns for a couple days, holy hell, i’m so glad to have eaten tons of greens and chicken for lunch today!  and wouldn’t mind not havving a drink for a while.  (and i didn’t drink much!).  Funny how that happens!

i had an interview yesterday, that i’m keeping underwraps for the most part, so shhh…don’t tell anyone.  i’ve always had a conundrum of telling people about jobs i’m interviewing for.  my college roommate my freshman year used to tell me that i needed to tell people my goals and share my dreams…where as i think that’s awesome, and she went on to lead a fairly successful career as professional golfer and lawyer (go girl!), i’ve often encountered naysayers and people genuinely not interested.  so i tend to try and keep things quiet until they are a sure thing.  so hopefully in a few days, or a week. or two…i’ll have some awesome news to share with you guys!  until themn, it’s all about the power of positive thinking.  it’s worked well in my life before, it’s time to really push this one into happening!!!

anyway.

i know something is out there for me that is exactly where i belong. and i know it will come together when it is meant to.  it’s been a really rough road for me.  i’ve never not been successful.  i’ve learned to disengage a bit.  if you know anything about me, you know i’m passionate (or as my close family and friends would tell you, OBSESSIVE!).  i get really excited about things i believe in and that’s what makes me successful.  i eat, sleep, dream, about things i enjoy/want to accomplish/etc.  (well…i guess that’s a bit obvious if you follow my blog or  twitter feed).  for the most part, it’s actually one of my favorite things about me.  but lately, with certain things, it’s become a bit of my achilles heel.  caring so much and putting so much of myself into something to be let down is pretty painful.  it happened with my last job, and to this day it literally still haunts me (yes, weekly i have a nightmare of it all! no joke…i know, it’s pathetic, but true).  it’s so draining to put all of yourself into something to not get it.  so i’m learning to ease up a little…or just not allowing myself to get engaged with things AS MUCH as i used to.  working on controlling the controllables and letting fate take care of what is meant to be.  this is actually a huge part of my health and fitness too…trying not to obsess and beat myself up if i slip here and there.  like i posted on twitter this morning, exercise is a reward, not a punishment because of what you ate!!!

i know i’m destined for something extraordinary.  i know there is more to my life.  and if i don’t find it, i’ll make it.  i know i’m coming out of the tail end of this rough patch!

so enough of my ramblings for today.

go out there and do good!

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who am i…? (re: about me)

I joined the blog world a few months back while going through some of the tougher challenges of my life. I used it to vent and say things out loud that really could never be spoken to friends or family. However while writing about my sorrows and problems and issues, I felt guilty for being so negative. In turn, I began this blog to help lift myself up and hopefully others in the process. This blog was (and still is) meant for only positive things!! However, this blog has always taken a back seat to my “personal” blog.

Until this year.

When starting this blog I struggled with what to write and how to find positivity again. After a huge career let down, a break up with the man I thought I was going to marry, and a realization that I wasn’t in shape despite thinking I was, my life seemed to be an absolute chaotic mess. Now, with a commitment to my healthy lifestyle, this is where I find my energy focusing and will strive to post positive and encouraging messages day in and out right here.
So what makes me tick and why read what I have to write??
I’ve been an athlete my whole life. And I’ve struggled with my body image and weight just as long. I’ve been a top ranked college athlete and have also coached at the college level. I know the struggles female athletes face and better yet, I know the struggles women face. And for the first time in my life I can honestly say I am getting fit the healthy way. Since the age of 15 I can remember starving and binging. It had been my way of life. Eat too much, starve the next day. Even as a coach, on trips I’d carb overload for a weekend and proceed not to eat the following Monday. Not healthy at all. And I knew it!  And, even worst, I felt guilty because it was such a horrible example to set to the young women I loved to coach.  I’ve blogged about it before, but last November was an eye opening experience for me.  When I sat down with my trainer and we discussed eating and food.  I always thought I had been “healthy” — even when I proudly brought my food log in for him to look at, I was doubtful they would find anything wrong with how I ate…boy was I wrong!  It wasn’t that I was unhealthy, but the way I was eating and WHAT I was eating was not working with my body.  I ate clean for a week and instantly lost inches on my body and a percentage of body fat.  I knew then that I finally found my answer to get to where I want to be with my body.  With the constant reminder that YOU CANNOT OUT TRAIN A BAD DIET!  (I had lived my life thinking I could — so I had some cake, I’ll do an extra class or run an extra mile the next day.  Oh, I played three hours of tennis so I can eat that pasta…NOT for me!).
Never in my life, (until I lost my job, fumbled around for a new one, wasn’t finding ANYTHING that would stick) did I realize I had never actually taken the time to work on ME.  When I had trained before it was always for MY SPORT or my team or my job — it was always something I did (and didn’t mind doing) but I had to do it because of what I did.  I never just did it for me.  Finally, I am doing it for me.  And it’s filled the whole that was left after the turmoil and mess of last year.  It has become a passion and love of mine.  I think it mainly is because I can constantly challenge myself to push harder or go farther or lift heavier.  I’ve always been someone who loves to work hard.  So it was easy to find myself spending hours on hours working out.  As I inch closer and closer to 30 (and after the use and abuse my body has already been through), I need to make sure to stay healthy and injury free which leads to the reason why I need to change the way I eat and instead of abusing my body to burn off the “bad” food in the gym, I can get a good workout in 1-2 hours and know I did ENOUGH.
I finished 2012 off dabling (I say dabling only because I had every good intention to stick to it day in and day out but lacked the complete discipline to do so during the holidays) in eating clean, but with the distractions of the holidays, I couldn’t maintain the way I wanted to.  Losing ten pounds in the month between November to December, I was kind of shocked despite my lack of discipline.  So with the holidays over and the year fresh, I am committed to eating clean day in and day out, allowing myself a “free” meal (cheat makes it sound like you are doing something really wrong, free just makes it sound a little better to me) once a week.  I’m looking forward to what my body becomes by my 30th Birthday in just a few short months!
I plan on continuing my positive outlook.  I’m hoping I can continue to help motivate and touch other people’s lives.  I will continue to learning as much as I can, although I must say, I do feel like I have become quite knowledgable in the clean eating and protein consumption areas in life, with already a lot of knowledge in training and all of that.  I will NEVER post something if I don’t know it to be true or don’t believe in it.  And I will use this for more than just fitness and healthy talk.  I want it to be a platform about and for women, so we may end up chatting politically or spiritually, philosophically, etc.  Who knows…whatever I’m feeling passionate about at that moment is usually what ends up on these pages 😉
So that’s me!  Looking forward to sharing my journey along the way!