Guess who’s back?!

Wow. What a whirlwind. What a difference a year makes.

I was lucky to be a part of a really cool project called Paper Bag Writers (www.paperbagwriters.net) that basically is all about using words and sharing anything you want on a paper bag. So when my bag arrived I was feeling super happy about where I am in my life and decided to trek back through some old blog posts…ironically, you’ll see an adaption of the last blog I wrote on here, on the bag. With the other side being one of my lowest of low entries (I was actually slightly upset to see I had deleted many of my low, emotional blogs…they were raw and real and got me to where I am today, but I don’t need to look back anymore).

photo 1[1]Writing those words out reminded me that I hadn’t really blogged or even journaled in a while.  (Although, I will say, I do partake in the “Jar of Happiness” that Liz Gilbert talks about, I try to write something down on a post-it every day that makes me smile!) So last Sunday, I grabbed some paper, a pen, a great soundtrack and some coffee and hit one of my favorite places (some bluffs off the ocean where my Grandpa’s ashes were spread years and years ago) and I wrote. And I cried. And I smiled. And I sang. And I thought. And wrote.

And I decided, I need to take that time at least once a week to do so…and I hope to continue to blog on here as an outlet.

Literally a year ago…ok, a year ago on November 14th…my cards began to align. After flailing for a year and questioning “why me” and crying and being sad…it all slowly started to make sense. A year ago my friend posted about a job. A year ago my sister picked up the phone to tell me it sounded like the perfect job for me. A year ago I said, “I don’t think so,” but still applied. Slowly, after that…things began making sense. I have old blogs that track back those days…the day when I flew to Albuquerque and moved all of my stuff into a UHAUL by myself…and then instantly moving forward with the position. The days of waiting and not hearing anything…and then the day I was offered the position and took it.

It changed my life.

I always preach about living the life you love, and until that point, I think I convinced myself that I was living that life. Until now. When I see now that I actually am happy. This is what happy looks like. Happy isn’t convincing everyone you “love your stressful career” and it’s ok that you don’t have friends because nothing is more important than work. Compared to now…When everyday brings me genuine smiles. When my co-workers joke about me being the happiest girl at work. When I have people that want to do stuff with me. When I get to see my family by driving a few hours and not having to fly through time zones. When I realize that for half my life, I had been talking about living in the city I now live in. The fact that I love the people I am surrounded by and for years I tried to find “genuine friends.” To be stress free and the biggest worry is what winery to visit on a weekend or what hike to go on. Life is good. I have let go. I have learned to live for me. I am doing what I love.

photo 2[1]So for anyone out there who can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Who can’t seem to stop the tears from flowing from your eyes. Who swear it will never make sense no matter what. Just know that this too shall pass. As cliche as this all may sound, it’s true. Every day since I started this new life I literally thank my lucky stars and God that I am where I am…that despite my lack of faith at times, I made it. That now, looking back,  you bet I would have gone through it all over again just to be here today. It made me a better person and makes me appreciate every little thing every day. I saw a quote the other day and I just loved it, “I love the person I’ve become because I fought to become her.” I couldn’t have said it better if I tried!

So keep on keeping on. Smile through the pain. Trust in the process. And let go so the life you think is meant to you so the life you love can find you.

peace & love & be good to each other ❤

mentors, role models, people that lift you up, etc.

throughout my life i have always had role models and people i looked up to and aspired to be like.  the best version of these are REAL people who you actually have interaction with in your life.  and i’ll tell you why….

as we go through our lives, us crazy ambitious types learn real fast that the best way to be successful is to model someone else’s proven success.  to put in the time and effort, do the grunt work, surround yourself with the right people, and success will be yours.  a big thing i have learned in my career and in life is to have people you look up to and respect and make them a part of your life.  as a coach, i am a member of the women’s coaching alliance and have been fortunate to be included in an insanely talented group of successful women.  sometimes you try and cultivate certain relationships and they don’t stick or it isn’t right…and sometimes they do, and it’s magical.

i “adopted” my mentor about a year ago.  my career was looking like it was taking a nose dive (which, yes, it did) and instantly i knew i had to do something about it but wasn’t sure how. already feeling super comfortable with her and knowing that she actually knew more than me about what was going on with my team, i turned to her for guidance.  she’s known me literally since i was 18. she coached against me in college and to this day i will never forget how encouraging she was back then.  i remember winning conference trophies year after year and she was one of the friendly faces who always personally congratulated me and said she was hoping i’d get it.  she coached the team of our travel partners back then, so we spent a lot of long hours together. once i was into coaching myself, she was one of my favorites to see at tournaments.  to this day, some of my best memories as a player were at her team’s courts. and now as a coach, she has welcomed me with open arms and been there through the ups and downs.  it’s been a rocky road, and she’s stood by me the whole time.

i have great people around me day in and day out.  but there’s nothing like someone who ACTUALLY KNOWS what is going on with me.  Who knows the game and the politics and the ins and outs of it all.  i am so lucky for all the supportive people around me, but to be able to hit rock bottom, write an email to her with tears flowing from my eyes and get a response that gives me renewed faith and hope in myself…i’m lucky to have found that.

so here’s my advice to you. to anyone and everyone.  to someone struggling in life, in your career, with your health, in your family-life, or just with your own demons.  find someone who gets you. find someone that can motivate you. find someone that GENUINELY wants to see you succeed and be there next to you along the way. find someone that is willing to stand by you and tell you how amazing you are and to never give up while you are down in the dumps, covered in tears and can’t see or think straight.  find someone that will push you harder when you need to be pushed and will give you a hug when that is needed.  this person is worth more than you know.  and cultivate that relationship. (i can’t tell you how many emails i’ve written to coaches i admire…usually they respond and say thank you, but those that “get it” have taken the time to invest in me)

i am so grateful for the phonecalls, emails, texts and just overall great recommendations from my mentor.  every time i am ready to quit, she pulls me back up and re-motivates me (sign of an amazing coach, eh??).  she works hard and loves every minute of it. she plays by the rules. she’s passionate.  she’s had it rough and has had to fight adversity to get to where she is.  she’s the FIRST female coach at an institution that is VERY strict and old school (think, a branch of our government!).  she inspires me and amazes me and is everything i want to be as a coach. i learn from her whenever i’m around her and am so thankful that in some weird way she became not only someone i look up to, but a friend.  i know she will always be a part of my life and maybe even one day i can fill her shoes.

Bring it on 2013!!!

I must say today is the last day of THE most challenging year of my life. Somehow, I made it!! There were many dark days, too many tears, love lost, fights, friends lost, friends made, emotional turmoil, physical turmoil, and then some…but it’s over, and I’m still standing stronger than ever.

Two weeks ago I made a vow to start fresh and leave the past exactly where it belongs, in the past. Since, I’ve had a much brighter disposition and love for life and am happy every day I awake an am able to find a reason to smile. Even with the current struggles I face, I realize that this will make me stronger and help mold me into a new version of myself.

I know the personal struggles I face and am working on breaking down the walls I’ve put up and the negative ways I treat myself. Just like any other challenge, it won’t be done overnight, but every day I am stronger and am getting better.

I’ve always been a goal setter no matter the time of year and I definitely have my goals set for the year to come. I know this will be an amazing yer because I refuse to let it be anything but that. I’m slowly letting go of worrying what everyone thinks of me and trying to focus in on “if it makes me happy, do it.”

I know I will find a job I love and it will all make sense. It will lead me to the life I know I’ve been meant to live.

I know I will transform physically and mentally into the version of me that I know I can love.

So here’s to the turning of a page; a new chapter; fresh start; new year! Wishing everyone a fabulous 2013, lets make it amazing!

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”

– Joseph Campbell

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Love these words.

“This is your life. Do what you want and do it often.
If you don’t like something, change it.
If you don’t like your job, quit.
If you don’t have enough time, stop watching TV.
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.
Stop over-analysing, life is simple.
All emotions are beautiful.
When you eat, appreciate every last bite.
Life is simple.
Open your heart, mind and arms to new things and people, we are united in our differences.
Ask the next person you see what their passion is and share your inspiring dream with them.
Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself.
Some opportunities only come once, seize them.
Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating.
Life is short, live your dream and wear your passion.”

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